Me, Myself, and I
I typically don't talk to myself nor do I ever think in a fashion of conversation with myself. However, as an introvert, I have realized that I am more prone to thinking of myself. Every step I take must be perfect, every word said with the utmost caution, everything I do must be perfect. In my mind, I suppose I must be thinking that everyone is judging me as soon as I leave the comfort of my room, which is true to certain degrees. We are all entitled to our own opinions and in a sense, therefore we judge (almost) everything our eyes come across. I don't want to be judged, so I lock myself in my room, which is ironic because I judge everything. Everyone is better than me so why bother actually trying to go out and do something worth while?
I don't need to leave my room, I have myself and the Internet. I only leave my room to occasionally socialize with classmates, primarily because my parents worry about my "social life", which is fine by the way. I just get over whelmed by people, although I do certainly have my way with them. Most people understand certain things about others; they know limits and boundaries. I know these things too, but why bother when I could just stay in my room, on my bed, and not worry about other people.
I get along fine with others, and can last a long time in public, but at the end of the day, people come and go; I do not long for attachments because like all things in life they spoil, go away, never to be seen again.
There are so many reasons as to why I should and shouldn't go outside, but I choose the later. In the end its really personal preference really. Do you enjoy going out and socializing or stay inside and gaming? Do you love the feeling you get when being around loved ones or do you prefer staying away from such emotions because you associate them with inevitable loss. I do have friends and I treasure them so, but my emotions and view of life keep me from truly opening up to them or going out of my way to see them. For the few times I do go out and am asked to question of how I am feeling, I respond with an automated monotone "I'm fine, how are you?". I don't wish to engage in conversations for many reasons, all trapped within the confines of my mind, for no one can truly handle the truth.... or maybe I'm just being over dramatic... which are you an introvert (me, myself and I) or an extrovert (friends, family, others)? 😄
I can definitely relate to this post. I'm more like you, in that I'd rather spend my time by myself rather than spend it with others. Don't get me wrong, spending time with loved ones is great but it's exhausting and the social anxiety heightens. The way you described keeping your emotions to yourself is exactly what I do too. It's weird because even when I do want to express them, it always comes out wrong and comes across as being "Oh I'm sad but I'll really just be fine in a few moments.". I can also really relate to what you said about being perfect in everything you do. That's something that I do to so seeing that someone else in the world is caught up in that feeling as well makes me feel better that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the honesty of this post. I'm glad there's more of a conversation than there used to be about introverts and extroverts, a conversation that that sees those categories as two points on a spectrum, rather than black and while (and too often right and wrong or vice versa). Some of my dearest friends are introverts, and––as someone with introvert tendencies, but mostly extroverted habits––it took me a long time to figure out how to be respectful of their boundaries and appreciate them for what they're able to give rather than pushing on them expectations based on my own comfort level rather than a realistic understanding of who they are. Even though I'm mostly quite extroverted though, I enjoy and in fact require solitude. I start to feel a bit unbalanced if I go too long without quiet time alone.
ReplyDeleteI love your template, by the way. Lovely image, and a very cool blog title.
P.S. Christelle discussed some similar ideas on her first blog post at her blog (listed simply as Blog on our blogs list). I recommended the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain to her, and it occurred to me to return here and mention it to you...
DeleteI really enjoyed reading your post, because I feel the same about some of the things you talked about. Oftentimes, I will be thinking to myself, when I should be going out and socializing, but I find it easier and safer to keep my thoughts to myself. I'm worried about being wrong or not saying the right thing, so I tend to keep controversial opinions to myself.
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