Friendship
For some reason I feel like people always want to hangout with me the most when I'm not in town. I never get calls when I'm in town for a short weekend, or necessarily talked to exclusively face to face either. I could very well be over exaggerating here, but I don't feel like anyone "talks to me" when I'm available or next to them. I always get asked to hangout when I'm in Rhode Island or busy. This may be my fault for trying to distance myself from the confusion that is the human race, but at the same time, it doesn't add up.
According to my mother, who was born in America, but has a plenitude of information of how it is to live in Nigeria, Americans tend to plan events out more than people would in Nigeria. If I were in Nigeria, I'd just be able to run outside and join in on a game of soccer, where here in America, I would run outside and see no one. Perhaps I live by elderly people, introverts, or the houses are empty and just being used as heroine houses (a joke devised by a friend of mine). Anyways, I never plan anything out, I always just call and see if people wanna hang out and get disappointed when they say they have plans (which I should expect), and then when they do actually wanna hang out, I never do. I expect them to honestly say "no" and then I'd just go back to mediocre art work, video games, eating, sleeping (which I don't do enough of), or breathing.
Furthermore, I've noticed things about others, simply by watching them in an all too stalker like methods. Well, perhaps not stalker for say, but I still think its weird. Sometimes, I kind of just eavesdrop on people's conversations, that I likely could be a part of and probably am considered to be a part of, but don't say anything. I just sit there, behind 2-3 taller friends/acquaintances and listen, occasionally trying to say something, getting cut off, and just leaving with a feeling that I'm not wanted there. From trial and error, I've more or less found groups with mutual tolerance, and I've definitely learned groups I can't stand. I'm not going to give names or point out which groups they are specifically, because that seems mean, and could possibly dock my grade....
Additionally, speaking of interaction, is it weird that sometimes I don't even wanna talk to people. Its not like I'm feeling out of it, but I feel like if I open my mouth I'm going to say something stupid, so instead I kind of just run away, or don't talk. I have stories of legitimately avoiding people, for several reasons, of those being: They're big (tall, bearded, etc.), they're big and probably hate me, I forgot their name, I called them the wrong name like two days ago and they're probably out for revenge, my crush that I'll never have a chance with, and I don't think I can out run them if I mess this conversation up/I'm not going to chance my relationship (and possibly my shins) on a bad social interaction. The list kind of goes on and on from there.
Welp, now the posts over and I think I may be weird, but I'll probably never know because I'll just be running from my problems (which is also super hero origin: super sonic speeds that developed after running from so many unwanted issues). Let me know what you guys think about hanging out!
I definitely feel what you said about some groups of friends just not clicking with my personality type. This is why I'm always quiet in a new group of people until I've gotten the hang of the vibe or get a feel of how conversations work in that particular group.
ReplyDeleteIt is most definitely not weird that sometimes you just don't want to talk to people. It could be that we're both weird, but I most definitely have those moments when I don't want to open my mouth since a) what I want to say already sounds odd in my head or b) there's a problem with that person/with my relationship with that person and therefore it is safer to keep my lips seals. So yes, I relate.
ReplyDeleteSometimes spontaneous hanging out is the best, most relaxing, and most fun. There are no prior expectations of how things will be, and it's okay to say no if you don't feel like it, since it's off the cuff (again, no expectations). But it's true that in many over-scheduled American lives, spontaneous hanging out is all too rare. I like it when it happens, though, and I try to (at least occasionally) make it happen with friends I'm close enough to call out of nowhere.
ReplyDeleteI like the point of view that you present. Getting into a new group can be tough because the chemistry isn't always there immediately. I like what you say about planning events in America versus other countries. It's definitely different here and it can be kind of frustrating when nothing is left up to chance,
ReplyDeleteI feel you on pretty much everything you've said. People never want to hang out with me and if they do its always inconvenient for me. At school, I don't feel comfortable talking to any group because I too feel out of place and unwanted so I awkwardly smile and leave. However, I feel comfortable talking to individuals. I don't know. I always find myself alone but I don't want to go where I'm unwanted, but I also don't want to look like a loner, and I end up just wandering the halls, looking lost. I think you put to much stress on yourself when making the assumption that people hate you or are out for revenge. You can always hang with me though :)
ReplyDeleteBeing a fellow introvert, I can understand the struggle. In my case, me engaging in any form of social interaction is pretty rare. Usually, I only talk to people when I need to get something out, or engage in conversation out of loneliness. I sort of quit the whole friend group thing to be honest, I never really felt like anyone really cared about what I said either.
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